Twisted Serenity

i CANT believe this is the 2ND time I've to retype out this post. The first time, all my heartfelt longings and sincerest messages were in it..now..can't help but feel and overwhelming sense of frustration erking from the inside just waiting to ooze out from my mouth!!!!
But no..those words won't be audible nor can it be seen. Those who have experienced typing out a really long letter,essay,blog etc and have it all erased in just a few seconds whether it not its your fault can truly empathize with me. This is so digressing from the title of the post isn't it.....well..yea..I know it is.

ANYWAY....this post was..IS about the guardian angels in my life. Those people who've on one way or another touched me in every means possible: emotionally,physically,mentally,financially,spiritually.
Friends like Ying,Hui Lynn,Christian, Mei Yan, Ivan,Hui Ying, Bernadine @ Honey, Dexter etc to name a few.. My dear cousins in Perth,Eberdeen and Malaysia..My wonderful parents who bring me along in their ups and downs both regarding familial matters as well as maritial problems....gosh..my life is crazy..but not good enough for a movie....yet...hehe..
whoever anonymous is..please please PLEASE lemme know who you are..I don't like suprises. I keel if I'm put into that kind of suspense.
I actually search the synopsis of a movie before I watch it just to see if it has a happy ending or not!!
That's the reason I haven't watched Thelma & Louise, finished watching Van Helsing..and haven't bothered to touch The Quiet American....
I know..bad bad habit..wanting to know the end always.Just waiting for the reward. Not wanting to take the journey.
Yes; terrible habit I have. And since its a habit, its hard to learn from...but there has been some progress from that oh-so disgusting attitude of mine.. I'm learning now to enjoy the process, appreciate walking the path instead of just envisioning the destiny and be callous towards the journey.

Well, God has been very BIG in my life of late,namely, in the results I got for my 1st semester.
Oh joy of JOYS!! I've passed each course with..walking and flying colours respectively!! And it was so abundantly clear that what I got wasn't due to my own "intelligence" or brain space. I can't say that "I should have studied harder". "I should have done this..I should have done that". Albeit I didn't put in my FULLEST and UTMOST effort..with that menial amount of work i put into my preperation, God has been so gracious and merciful. He didn't grant me outstanding results, but I did make the grade..I did get a 7 (high distinction)(chemistry) and my other courses got a 6( distinction) for all my other subjects...even physics!!!! For those who have been with me during high school and college..those who ACTUALLY tooke physics with me, you'd be suprised to know i got above 80 for this paper....and that in itself is already a miracle because Jess isn't a physicist!!! To some, this may seem like I'm just bragging, being all pig-headed over my results..but honesty, truthfully and sincerely...it is just me giving glory to our God for not forsaking me..for not giving up in me..for still flashing warning lights and leading me through the path He has chosen for me..yea..Life is tough. especially if there isnt any feasible or legible results from the heartaches and pain we've endured. but that is the beauty of Life. As long as we still have expectations which are God-worthy and we have faith that He is always in control; the journey would be painstakingly beautiful....won't it? We would still have guardian angels..I had Shereen with me while I was attempting miserably to obtain my results. In the end, I got them from Lydia's computer!! (she's my housemate) on wednesday morning.

Would I still be giving grace to God if I did very poorly? I should. In reality, it might have taken me weeks to get past that moment....but I'll have my mom telling me that all is not lost, and that God has a purpose for me still. I'll have my cousin telling me not to worry and that life still goes on. I'll have Chris comforting me telling me that there's always next term. I'll have Hui Lynn encouraging me that there's still another chance. I'll still have guardian angels carrying me emotionally, physically (maybe this one isn't so easy...), mentally,financially (thank God for parents!!) and spiritually..

Aren't you so glad for those GAs?

Posted by Jessamine on Monday, July 10, 2006 at 10:56 PM | Permalink