Twisted Serenity

In LIFE gambling, be glad the House USUALLY wins.

2006-11-06T22:58:00.000+10:00

This post is coming in sooner than I thought it would. Had noble plans of reading up on organic chemistry and stressing over microbiology. But thoughts and opinions anti-studying were running through my head. Might as well give in to'em. Don't want to built futher resentment to my already joy-killing study load.

God is teaching me something BIG. Yeah. Its crazily big, its not hard to miss. I could have missed it, but He also had a backup plan to ensure this lesson's permanently engraved in my long-term memory(this storage lasts a lifetime; short-term memory lasts for...at the most...3 days!)

For those who do visit this blog, I'm sure you already know of my not going back to Malaysia during the summer here. Its all fine and dandy actually, except that this summer I'll be taking summer semester, to obtain credit enabling me to enter 2nd year of pharmacy via the accelerated program. Sure, you think, that's just spiffy!! Au contrare...

My mind's been racing the past few days thanks to 700ml of V and 350ml of Red bull in a nearly botched attempt to keep awake studying for the aforementioned subjects. Needless to say, very little has been achieved. Its not easy to concentrate with my body aching while burping periodically. And yes, my mind was literally racing. I think it came to a point where I'd look at 2-1 and visualize: "2-1 2-1 2-1 2-1....=....1..wait..no...0...wait..2-1...yes...1...GAHH!!!!" My eyes were wider than ever. I couldn't close them for the life of me. I told myself " time to go to bed." Laid in bed, tossing,turning, staring at oblivion, wondering about nothingness,regretting over the time wasted just laying in bed wasting time. I guess on the label, when it said that Red Bull was for "active students", it may have been for literally active students: sports,associations, councils etc. Not for someone who's not had an energy drink before and decided that the excess of caffeine,glucose and carbonated soda might keep her awake for work.blegh.

ANYWAY,the meticulous description of my experience with those drinks were to prove a point: I'm NOT prepared for this semester's finals. At this crucial pinpoint of my life, I'm not prepared for THE exam that would definitely determine my future career. Whoever thinks UPSR,PMR,SPM,HSC (qld's gov.exam) were the BIG ONES; I've got news for you young un's. THEY'RE NOT!
This crippling fear of failing is embedded into the deepest recess of my mind. It paralyzes me to a point where I don't need V or Red Bull to drive my mind in circles.

But enough about my weakness. As sung in Monty Python: " Always look on the bright siiide of Life! too doo..too doo too doo too doo.."

The Big Guy up there pulled my safety net from under my feet. I'm forced into this do-or-die situation where turning back is no longer an option.grr. That's why I'm petrified with fear of not meeting the grades needed for this finals. Doesn't help that all that time and effort thinking of alternatives to my future could have been utilized to comprehend the elimination and substitution reactions of chem.

Never have I felt so lost. I planned my entire summer holidays out, only to have all my plans blown away;now I've to make new plans. Problem is, where do I start from?! I've handled holiday accomodation which was a very blessed gift from God :) All I need now is more faith and less distractions to focus on the task at hand.

You gotta thank God for mothers; I do =D Her asking me details about EACH course I take does help me out in the long run, ESPECIALLY when I needed encouraging. Putting all the events into perspective, my life has been blessed so much so far. What more could I ask for?

I'm in my happy place =D Studies are still screwy, and the fear will always be there.
A brave WOman is not a WOman who is not afraid, but one whose will is stronger than HER fear.

Afteral, this is life. And God's the house as well as the player. He gives and takes. In this instance, all I can do now is pray and hope for the best. And yeah, always wishing that He'd win this game at the end of the day =D

Forget me...forget me not....

2006-11-04T21:28:00.000+10:00

Hi hi!!!
This post is addressed to all..and I mean ALL my friends =D
How've you all been? I'm sure that there are finals to finish, end year activities to plan, christmass to look forward too.
As for me, I've got two of the above three to look forward to.
I'll be taking summer semester here in brizzy, so I won't be going back to Malaysia as planned. =(

See, I've applied to do Pharmacy in UQ for next year. Apparently, if I am able to get credits for most of the first year courses pharmacy students take, I'll be able to enter 2nd year of bpharm, instead of going back to 1st year pharm. That's why I'm staying back for the summer to finish one last course, and by God's grace, I'll be able to enter 2nd year.
This decision does come with lots of sacrifices, the biggest of course, is that I won't be able to go home. I won't be able to meet my family again, my friends especially you dear Hui Lynn, not sure when I'll be able to see you. Ying Roe, Mei Yan, Christian, and so many others. Not forgetting all the food!!!!!

I could have gone back during my mid-semester break here;but I ain't paying aud3500 for business class to fly back for 10 days. Its crazy.Besides, the financial burden on my parents would be too great. As it is, they've already sacrificed so much for me, giving me allowance while I'm here; I can't ask for more.

I"m really really sorry.
This post isn't long and poignant as I wanted it to be. I guess, I'm at a lost as to what to say to everyone.

Hopefully I'll be able to regain my composure and post something more meaningful, after my exams. Knowing how to work Logistic regression and ANOVA here won't help now would it. What's the point of null hypothesis or hydrolysis when it comes to matters of the heart.

I guess I'm still in shock. I got the news of my pharm application yesterday. After a day of phone calls and internet searching, only the decision to NOT go back to M'sia came. sighs. I've got to replan my next 3 months. Accomodation, finances, activities.

Thank the Lord for such a career opportunity here. At the end of the day, I can plan all we want, but He controls my life. On hindsight, it was good that I manage to go back in July.

I pray, that sooner or later, our paths would meet again. You all will get a super duper humoungous breath-taking hug from me. I just can't express how much I miss you. Malaysia to me isn't about food, or weather (urgh) or exotic places. Its where my dear friends are. My family. My life.

I truly deeply sincerely love guys and gals. Don't forget me k!!

14 days

2006-10-22T22:11:00.000+10:00

Fourteen days to my finals.
Fourteen days to 30 multiple choice questions of statistics.
Sixteen days to organic chemistry and plastic atomic models(yay!)
Eighteen days to complex(rather simplified in comparison to others though..) citric acid cycles and glycogenesis.
Twenty-three days to go to human biology with exciting action potentials and flexible pivoting actions of bones.
Twenty-four days to freedom.

If you think about it,there isn't that much time left before I'm going home to Malaysia. I've had my ups (very very high) and downs (very very VERY low), but mostly in-betweens.
I've mixed with very diversed company,in skin colour and background. Met many fresh faces, introduced to colourful life stories, heard interesting experiences.
All very new and unknown ground for a gal who has spent the last 17 years of her life protected under the wings of her family; watching and reading about america(a country which, till recently, seemed like a fictional setting), abortions,pre-maritial sex(I know I know..happens all the time..),homosexuality, extreme poverty, hurricanes, and now, assignment-stress.

Until recently, all the above issues were just issues with points and opinions that I mentally knew off from tv, newspapers, articles etc. They weren't tangible to me. Not until I know of friends who have experienced it. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. I'm left stranded, unsure of how to handle situations like these. Of course I don't shout out loud screaming "WHAT THE $%@#@#$ were you THINKING??!!!"
No. It has happened. No advice can be given, no judgement can be made;it happenED. I can't possibly be empathetic, and sympathy isn't the best thing to offer. Heck, they don't want sympathy, makes them feel like pussys...and man, they are no pussys.

How do you hate the sin, yet love the sinner? I don't approve of abortion, but I couldn't help but actually suggested that to a friend of mine. Its twisted. I was twisted. I was concerned about the fetus, about the mom, about the future. I was emotionally concerned about what is going to happen. How do you NOT do that? How do you listen to incidences such as this and be levelheaded about it? How do you detach yourself from a friend? I wish I could be like that, but hey, its me. Probably a good thing mom didn't approve of me being a psychologist. I'm sure she saw through me, that I'm such an emotional git. I'd probably grow mental soon enough if i was a clinical psychologist =D not that I'm not that already..at least I don't harm people with bad advice now...

ANYWAY...I was chatting with a friend about this turmoil raging inside me; the reply was indeed comforting-"One positive thing I could get out of this situation, is that you're a very caring and concerned person" =D

Hey, I'll take that kinda compliment very kind. It was such a sweet thing to say.

I guess at the end of they day, life throws you shit. SSDD.....
But let go, let live, and let God catch you as you fall. It might be a pretty hard thud; but He's the ultimate healer =D

ps:oooooooooooooo...Reggie Dabbs came to church!!!! MAN he's awesome...farny fella...talked about John 2:1...potrayed Mary as this hard-arsed mom who granted Jesus the chance to do his first miracle-changing water to wine-Reggie took that story, and turned it around, focusing on the waterpots instead of the humans.
Apparently those waterpots that were used to fill water in, were pots that held water used for washing the mudcakes off the wedding guests'feet. The analogy of using insignificant nothings and turning it into the best somethings. hehe...its a recurring theme, but heck, the message was awesome. And Lydia came to church.

eeeeeeeeeeEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEeeeeeeeeee(squealing here H)

Review...not..

2006-10-16T21:58:00.000+10:00

This is the time of the year where you study non-stop, survive on instant noodles and pizza, sleep for no more than 2 hours a day just to catch up on 3 months of coursework.
Yes people, in no less than 6 weeks, I'm going home to Malaysia!!!

I can't believe I'll be returning back as a first year undergraduate. Isn't it so surreal how much time has passed; yet it seems like just yesterday when I was dreaming of what life would be without familiarity of family and friends.

New and old friends have entered my life,heartache and joy of the extremes have been experienced. I've done things that I never thought I'd actually do!!..not revealing any secrets here. (I'm still sane and female. no worries =P)

I've gotten control of my life, and this newfound freedom just taste so sweet!
Being in control of where I'm going to live, what I'll be eating, where I'm going, how I'm spending my allowance etc. Independence is bliss. =D

Just 3 more weeks people, and I'm going to sit for my final exams. I'm so anxious to get it all done and over with. I want time to fly, yet I don't want it to pass me by..in a swift WOOSH...I'm going home...I'll be leaving this beautiful room of mine that has protected me for the last 8 months; hehe..will be moving in with a couple of my church friends!!
Gosh was I such a control freak just chatting about moving into their place next year!! The moment I saw the room, I was rearranging furniture in my head, decorating the room mentally. And I promise to sort out the dodgy internet connection. And then there's the sofa set that will be bought..and the fridge..and the dining table..and toaster, sandwich maker, rice cooker..AAAHHHH!!!!! CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT YEAR!!!!!

teehee...isn't life loverly when we get to move our butts around?

Goodbye Dell Road...Hello Brisbane Street!! teehee.....chuckles..LOL..yes, I'm in a rather giggly mood right now.

*DEEP BREATHE*

ALRIGHT TROOPERS. will be attempting to over come the covalent bonds of carbocations to form a product of great importance synthetically for commercial uses.

TA!

zimmer.......

2006-10-07T07:15:00.000+10:00

That was a random name. It is the company of my 'post-its' and its posted on my wall.So what the heck. On that post-it note, are the dates of my final exams, all crammed up with messy scrawly handwriting. Not your traditional neat timetable. nonetheless...

So. Finals are here.Again. It seems like just 2 months ago since I finished stressing over exams. Just 2/3 months ago, I was waking up in the early mornings, gorging on chicos and turkey delights, while my books and files littered the dining table. I can't do that this time. I've lost my craving for chicos..it might be due to over-consumption..causing my cerebrum to.....oh what the heck...I can't think of the proper scientific jargon to blow your minds away...yup..my mind's still going on its apoptosis spree...teehee..

The greatest achievement yet this week was that I didn't watch the telly!! No..its not because I got turned off by the screen size..which is smaller than my laptop (wow...)...I've just been...occupied during the evenings when my favourite shows were televised.MAn...this post is so insipid...should think of something interesting to tell..

Erm..lemme think..............

My landlady bought a hybrid of green tea and mint lipton tea (cue for EEEEWWWWWW).
I'd prefer green tea OR peppermint.
Yes, they're both green (still a fav colour of mine..though I'm leaning towards maroon...)
Yes, they're both delumptious and invigorating.
Yes, I do prefer them to English Breakfast or Earl Grey OR CAMMOMILE.!!!!!!!!

But green tea AND mint?!!
What'd be next?!?!!!
English breakfast AND earl grey AND cammomile AND chrysanthenum!?!?!?!?!?!!

oh dear..I'm freakin out over tea hybrids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hmm..with all these mixtures, maybe in the near future, finding green tea Or mint Or english breakfast tea Or earl grey Or cammomile would be for the purists..

tsktsk...tells you abit bout life doesn't it..once interracial was a taboo..now its a norm...haha...not that I've any apprehensions towards it...its just interesting though..of course being here in australia, its kinda obvious why I stated it. True aussies have mixed blood ( Oh Jess..now only you know?!!!!) yes..my aussie pals were shocked when I was shocked bout it. silly billy..

told you : No relation to Zimmer whatsoever. Its random. dlajke dvajkae ouma fsmka! =D

Cell proliferation and apoptosis

2006-10-03T23:02:00.000+10:00

That technically sums up the last couple of days.

When you sleep and have the words mTOR flashing in your eyes,
When your dreams wake you up from worries of non-existent in-text referencing,
When you feel like your head's swelling up due to hydrocephalus,
When your vocabulary is limited to "elucidated", "implications","tumors","tubers", "hamartomas";
When you attend lectures and not sleep even though you woke up from a 4 hour 'nap';

When you feel like there's nothing left to do, even though there's heaps of studying to be done, just because you've finished your PowerPoint Presentation on Tuberous Sclerosis for your e-conference...

When all the above occured....

Then you'd have greater insight into my neurotic brain.

Lesson learnt from this assignment:
1) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS read the abstracts and the ENTIRE journal before printing it out.

2) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS check that the journal is peer-reviewed.( Might have rescued some brain cells from suicide)

3) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS read the criteria sheet before attempting to start your response.

Last but not least: Partners aren't perfect. Tis rare to find one who is as competent as you, or who can complement your work. So,
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS practise tolerance and humility.
It makes the world rounder and life easier.

On a heavier note, the Jacarranda trees are blossomin with purple flowers. You know what that means...CRUNCH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been through half of my 2nd semester, but everything that has happened still seem surreal.

oh God.......am I really ageing that fast?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Construction site

2006-09-23T12:05:00.000+10:00

I've gone through an entire week of refurbishment. Its not completed yet, but on a whole, its looking up.
My house still has chipped paint on the walls, furniture stacked somewhere in the basement waiting to be recycled and leaking faucets.
The designer did pop by for awhile, evaluating the extent of the damage,but no plans have been drawn as to how it'd all be fixed. No plans that I'm aware of that is.

I can't wait for the day when it'd be completed.
I can't wait for the day when I'll be able to enjoy my new home.
I can't wait for the day when I'll be able to invite friends over and we'll all have a swell time. For now, everything's a mess.
Given time, I'm sure a pretty picture would be painted.
Until then, I've to wait, cultivate an attitude of patience,trust and faith.

The Award for Laziest Gal goes to.........

2006-09-19T09:35:00.000+10:00

I AM LAZY!

Yes. I am. I've got photos of what was prepared for my birthday, but I'm just so not bothered to transfer them into my laptop, and post'em. Sorry folks. No photos today.

It was a tumultous day that's for sure. I didn't realize how much I missed my family until my birthday came and went.

I had to blow out candles 4 times!!! That's pretty cool..there're 2 marble cakes in the fridge, I had a mud cake, and my darling friend Morgan made a 'cake' out of chicos!!!!yummy....

Presents. WELL. I've got flowers,necklace, earrings,hp holder (looks like a cinderella glass slipper), 'cool banana' shirt, nail polish :P

More than that, I've got people who remembered me from m'sia..namely christian and hui lynn. where the rest of the people are..dunno lah.

Can't be petty anymore XP

All in all, my 18th was a memorable day. Not because I was in my happy place the whole day. Au contrare! But I did manage to sit down and really reflect on how much things have changed since a year ago. How much I have changed on the inside. I know that I've gotten more blackheads on my face and back. But that happens to everyone..including 12 year olds..so..no biggie.

I'm so thankful that I did come to Australia, I did get away from the hustle bustle of KL, and I did move on from relationships. I needed this getaway.

Thank you Lord, for this opportunity that you've granted me. May I use this chance to the fullest and be a blessing to everyone around me, just like You've been a blessing to me.

Take care folks.

cya!!

Pressing Matters

2006-09-16T18:58:00.000+10:00

I WANT MY NARNIA BOOK TO READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Indeed, that is a very pressing issue; my mid-semesters are over and I'm deprived of innocent fiction storybooks that'd make me cry when danger ensues, or scream in delight when good triumph's over evil!!

I'm so excited about tomorrow. I'll be ushering. YAY! Why do I feel so excited I don't know, its like I've been waiting the entire week just for Sunday to come, and its nearly here, 12 hours to go!! How time creeps by...

I've done ALL the birthday shopping that I can do here in Australia. And because of that, I can officially not call myself a shopaholic. I need a list of things-to-buy, go buy them and go home. Although it'd be lovely to do window shopping, I can't walk around a shopping complex aimless. As of yesterday, I've 2 favourite shops that I visit when I'm in Queen's Plaza: BaySwiss Food Home Wares and Le Desire. Why my sudden interest in home deco? Maybe because I might be doing that sooner than I think!! hehe.....

Next year would be a hectic year for me, namely because I'll be moving to 2nd year in uni, or doing pharmacy, either one would be harder than this year. Also, my family may finally be coming to Aus!( just my sisters and my mom, but I'm sure dad'd come with them...who knows..that plan's still in mom's mind). I'll also be moving up in the leadership team I think, may be leading a life group mid next year, if that's what I'm suppose to do. Either way, I'll be a busy bee. And last but not least, I'll be WORKING!! horrors of horrors. OH well.

So, please don't ask me anymore about what I'd be doing next year. Its been summarized above. I've told so many people about it I'm getting sick about it, but I can't help myself. I'm in over my head!!!

YES.
I'm currently a fan of The Fray : Over My Head and How to Save a Life. I'm just tapping to the beat, falling deeply and dangerously in love with these 2 songs. Going to listen to them untill I'm sick of it.

Oh ya, I'm an auntie!! A full-fletched real auntie with a niece!!!!!!!!! Apparently my cousin has a BBEEUUUUUTTTIIFFFOOOOLLLLLL baby girl. Well, it is to be expected. Both mom and dad are not bad themselves :D

Lovely. God has been so good this week even though I felt my exams were downright upsetting,disgusting,disgraceful. What can I say. They are exams.

That's all the updates I have for now. Will post more meaty gritty details or heart-wrenching thoughts when they come. I'm just in over my head with the song. Can't help myself. ITS sigh.........love it. I'm lovin it!

UQconnect :D

2006-09-14T10:05:00.000+10:00

HIHI!!
I'm FINALLY using my download quota from uni!!!!!!!
Decided that I couldn't for the life of me study in the house, with my comfortable bed and lovable bear.
So, with renewed conviction to press into my data analysis textbook, I packed my laptop into my spacious adidas bag, took my adapter, plugs and mouse, and headed to the Engineering Library in Hawkens building; the only building I'm most comfortable with and don't feel alienated.
The Law Library has a mock courthouse, but I always felt that one day, they'll make an announcement on the PA and chase all non-budding lawyers out of the building.
Have never been to the music library; I've found their book return chute-have yet to find the entrance of library though.
Then, there's the Social and Humantities Library at Duhig Building. THE biggest library---for socializing. Also the noisiest place of them all.
Our Science Library is being refurbished, then we'll have a state of the art study area and all sorts. Its SUPPOSE to be completed by October; its September, and I still don't see anything.
OH WELL>
Still got at LEAST 3 years left here in UQ..so :D

Well, I've done my stats prac, and am now attempting to study for my final midsemester test tomorrow. God help me.

Yesterday paper was....*?%?#$!!**.... I can't describe it.
It doesn't help that we KNOW what kind of questions were being set. But nearly 4/5 of the paper was on" Which statement is INCORRECT"..
That has got to be THE HARDEST MCQ ever!!
MCQ E: All the statements above are correct....

WAH.
that's uni life for you. They spend their time figuring out ways to ambush us with words like "all", "many", "some"...if you've got just an abbreviated concept in your head, I'm sorry. You'd lose out in this rat race. sigh.....science is so technical.

Anyway, I've got 150MB to spend here in uni, so I'll be using the connection at this cool library for quite awhile.
yippee!!!

Q: Is pink the new black? Why's CHS in a pink mood now?!!

Musings

2006-09-10T08:41:00.000+10:00

Its currently 8.40am,Sunday morning. And I'm not going to church..HAHA.
My bed's not made up, I haven't had breakfast, but all those..coversations in the chatbox has brought about a gleeful smirk on my face.
Its amazing how world views DO affect our generation!!!!!!!
Mom said that most of my peers are still in their puny world, worrying about guys,hair,fashion,.....guys.
By the way, its not that I DON'T have any male problems (although it'd be nice if I don't, its also...good that I do..) I guess, priority has to be revised if I care too much about the male species.

Yes, my housemates and I (save Mei of course) are in a period of our lives where we proudly proclaim that we HATE (strong word...) guys, and have spent time plotting against them.

This isn't aim specifically to any of my darling male friends, because I know you're all awesome.
Its just your species in general just LOVE making life miserable for us damsels in distress. XP

haha..oh well, I'm past that phase now. Got greater issues to deal with..namely,2 midsemester exams approaching in like...2 days.
No time, nor neurons to waste imagining,plotting, and fantasizing the destruction of men.
yea yea, how's the world gonna survive without men, how'll reproduction happen..blabla bla...
don't underestimate females.We were born to multitask.
Then again, if generalization is anything to go by, I'd be the ultimate multitasker.
I'm female, and I'm a left-hander. Apparently lefties can do that too....maybe that's why my attention span's astutely short.muahahahaha..

btw, thank you harold for your deep insights over the failures of humanity....and whoever you are atheist...religion is just a word. God himself told us not to put our faith in religion for we'd fail miserably following the laws and rules...okie?

OKAY.
Breakfast beckons. Have a good morning everyone. And to Kelvin Khoo whom may or may not visit this blog, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! Be glad I don't know your age, because I'm sure you've gotten older.....

Ta.

Election Day

2006-09-08T18:14:00.000+10:00

Tommorrow'd be the 9th of September 2006, the State Election Day.
I'm pleased to announce that I may be taking part in this crucial election, not by voting(still underage for another 9 days), but by handing out ballots..I think.
But I've yet to know the details of what to do, where to go, etc.

Oh well.
I'm posting this for the sake of posting something.I'm bored.
Fibrous and globular proteins are just so unexciting.
Wish I had pymol..then I can play with the molecules to my heart's content.....

War and Peace

2006-09-05T21:48:00.000+10:00

So Steve Irwin's dead. The ONLY show/ ad that I saw him on for over 15 minutes was when I was waiting in line to enter Australia. He was Australia's spokesman for quarantine.

That's my tribute to him.

Just watched a documentary about the Munich massacre of 9 israeli atheletes who were taken hostage and then murdered by the Black September gang from Palestine.

Watching it from the view of an english student analysing a documentary, I discovered some form of symbolisms and techniques which were used to encourage sympathy, maybe even empathy from the viewers.

1) Most of the interviews with ex high-ranking officers were filmed with blackened/shadowed settings in the background indicating the seriousness and professionalism of their work. We're talking bout ex-heads of the Mossad, Israeli's top Intelligence unit.

2) Interviews with widows of the athletes however was taken in a home, warm, cosy environment; orange theme=warmth and love, that fuzzy feeling you get when you enter a house with that reddishy orangey warm-like shade of light.

3) I consider the colour blue as a neutral colour. It doesn't indicate anger, it doesn't represent peace. Its just like it is. Neutral. It can be both good and bad. That was the background for most of the interviews with ex CIA heads in Beirut where the apparently the Black September gang were carrying out operations.

4) Clips and snapshots of what happened during the Munich Olympics tragedy and of the execution/murder/termination/assasination of BS members directly/indirectly related to the tragedy was accompanied with mournful, sorrowful songs, whereas interviews didn't have background music---this is a direct attempt to gain our sympathy towards the incident and "giving" us the opportunity to analyse and view the documentary as intelligent human beings.

If Ms. Ruma read my analysis of the documentary, she might only give me a 50/100.

But all I can say is that the direct theme trying to be brought across to us audience is that tolerance is so important in our vastly expanding yet shrinking world.

The ending interview of the show was with a widow who wasn't supportive of the actions taken by the Israeli government. She brought orphans of the massacre to the Atlanta olympics, and they cheered for the Palestinian team.

I guess you can still have faith in humans. In the younger, newer, innocent generation.

Haih.

In an attempt to make our lives easier, I think our parents' generation just created more problems, and we are left to sweep up the dirt. Makes you wonder, will this viscious cycle continue to our future generation?

This is more interesting than learning about the polar/non-polar charges of amino acids k.

HI HI!!!

2006-09-04T13:15:00.000+10:00

hahahahahahahahhahahaahha
ONLY reason why I haven't been updating was because
1) Forgot my username, hence, forgot password,hence couldn't post anything from the uni computer, hence,now!

Told you it was the only reason why I wasn't updating myself.

OK

Updates.Lemme see.........
Will be helping a friend hand out election ballots this weekend. He's running for a member of parliament seat (MP) of some place which sounds like Carindale but it isn't which doesn't really apply to anyone because its in Australia in the Southernside of Brisbane I think!! and even I don't know where it is. So..no biggie.

Will be having my Microbiology Midsems coming Wednesday (13/9),statistics midsem(15/9) and birthday party of friend and myself(I think!!) (16/9) Church meetings (17/9)..dunno if I'll be ushering on that day though, and finally, own birthday (18/9)

As far as I know, that's on my schedule.

And, its raining its raining its raining!!!! The Great Court of the uni is GREEN!!!!! Considering we've had dried grass and treetrunks to look at for over 3 months, the rain,warmth and greenery is definitely a sight of relief. And its starting to get humid too. Just my kind of weather,though, most are complaining about it because, well, they weren't born and bred in Malaysia. I don't blame them. I don't walk around in spaghetti straps and slippers/thongs during cold chilly winter mornings either.

They say when the Jacaranda trees have blossomed, its too late to study. It supposedly and ol folks tale.
You know what, it has lots of truth in it.
Basically, that tree does blossom in mid-October/Summertime. Our finals are in early November.
Go figure.

Disclaimer: Please disregard the advertisment at the bottom. I only wanted the picture of the tree.Beautful isn't it?

So, look out for the Jacaranda tree but don't spend too much time on it. You've to study or else it'd be too late when it starts to blossom X/

ps: I apologise for my terrible usage of English, it has gotten redundant and my vocabulary is all over the place, I've forgotten grammar, and my punctuation's atrocious. I just haven't been reading much lately and learing about hypoenzymes and apoenzymes in bullet points just doesn't help.o_O

My house

2006-08-17T23:09:00.001+10:00

Alright. I know I've been here for nearly 7 months now and many of you still don't know the state of my accomodation.

WELL!

This is the view of the balcony..the table in front is where we have all our meals, and if you can just make out that round wooden ball and the turner at the left side of the picture; its sitting on the counter of the kitchen which i've yet to take a picture of.

This is the stairway........

ok. The lighting here isn't that great, but this is the sitting area....if you can make out the whited out area..well..that is my room!!!!
Its pretty cool..i've got translucent walls. My room was initially the formal dining area of the house. But when Mary's boys moved out of the house, and they decided to rent out their place...tadaa..they had a special kind of divider-wall-thingy which is what I have now!! Because of this, I'm paying the same price as the others(we share the same bathroom) but I've got the largest space!!Space space space which I fill up.....

There. This is how the living area looks like. See those glassy panels on the right side? that's where my room is!!!!

Alright...so.....sister.....now you know how my sitting area and balcony looks like..wait until you see the bathroom!!!!!!!!! You'll understand why I couldn't help but complain about our house!!!!

!!BOOM!!

2006-08-11T19:19:00.000+10:00

I'm a natural time-bomb,potentially destructive and definitely dangerous to myself.
I've been back here in Australia for 3 weeks already;
Will be here for another approx. 3.5 months;
Have been here for 6 months today.

So, moment of reflection...what have I learnt so far? What experiences have I gained which would definitely constitute as advice for my fellow friends in the near future?

1) Make sure you don't get addicted to serial tv shows because it'd cause a kink in your schedule which would ultimately take MONTHS to unravel and smoothen out.
2) Be prepared for the weather in whatever country you're planning to study in. DO NOT rely on the marine courier to bring your essentials here.You'll suffer.
3)If possible (unless your a hardheaded intelligent Type A person who really don't need familiar companionship) try going to some foreign place where you have friends. Make the initial few months in your new home more comfy and less daunting.
4) Whenever possible, try not to think of back home. Missing something/someone/some place/some food you KNOW and am PAINFULLY aware that you CAN'T get just kills more neurons in your already shrinking brain.
5) Get into the studying habit as soon as possible or else life WILL be hell approaching the finals.

I've been back here in aus for just over 3 weeks. And what have I done right?
1) Printed out all my notes.
2) Gotten my schedule and venues right to ensure no more delayed entries to lectures.
3) Made new friends. (new NEW friends...as in not just asian friends (which btw, I still hv vy few of)..but new different nationalities new friends)
.
.
.
oo!! For the random thought, I might have to finish 2 cartons of Maggie Mee Curry in a span of 3.5 months before it expires...mom said I could just sell them to other curry-loving people...say...5 packets for $2. But I'll need a marketting person for that.so..I guess i gotta finish 2 cartons of maggi mee in a span of 3.5 months!

oh yea, and for those loyal friends who have made time to even bother visiting this blog..please say hi in the chatterbox..it looks pathetically short and..pathetic..kinda like what I'm feeling right now.

Gotta go wash my hair (which might probably be the only physical aspect of me that is shining).

new stuff!! new stuff!!

2006-08-05T13:39:00.000+10:00

YAY YAY!!!!
Thanks to Bernard...now I can put links and a chatterbox up there!!
I'm nearly computer illiterate so this is quite a huge achievement.
I don't even know what Html means.
oh well....
Enjoy that spot..hehe!!

I'm BACK....and sick.

2006-08-03T20:42:00.000+10:00

Those in Malaysia would inevitably (well...some of them..) would inevitably know where I was for the recent fortnight ago.
Yes, I was back in warm,humid, hazy, food paradise...MALAYSIA!!
In 2 weeks, I've gorged down( in succession over the spend of 14 days):
1) Bak Ku Teh
2) Fried fish, steamed fish, otak-otak
3) Nasi Lemak (twice..or thrice..)
4) Tandoori chicken
5) Cheese Naan
6) Dim Sum
7)Satay
8) Porridge with dishes
9) Chee Cheong Fun
10) lots of PROPER jap food which is considered cheap cheap!!
11) Ikan Bakar
12) Char Kuey Tiaw(?!)
13)Taiwanese spicy beef noodle
14)Lots and lots of bubble tea
15)Yong Tau Foo (last meal of my trip)

I think that caused my sickness.
Not to forget, moving from a place with high humidity and a temp of 29/30C, back to a place where the my lips crack because of sheer dryness and a temp of 6/21C.

Going to buy chicken tomorrow to make myself some chicken soup.
First time being sick here.
and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!!

Mei was kind enough to offer me some lemony limey powdery thingy that was supposedly bitter..ly..
gosh...it was super SWEET SWEET!!!
nearly felt like vomitting after drinking that. well, it has gone down the pipeline.
I'm just relying on my Vitamin C, TransferFactor, chicken soup (tmr) and God!!

sigh, Milo couldnt be brought through customs because Australia's wary of Malaysian milk. Apparently there's high risk in our milk. But singapore's ok!!
sigh....sigh sigh sigh......my throat(sob) hurts!!!

I don't wanna go back to uni!!!!!!!!
I'll never (try) to miss the first week of uni again!!
Gosh....catching up is terrible..especially when you have to catch up with a runny nose and an irritating throat.
Thank God for my dear Honey and Christian..at least in my sad and dreadful times, I've got lovely songs to listen too..hehe...haha...

ooo...need to tell you all this..
I've got 2 CARTONS of Maggi Mee Curry in my room!!!
You can't imagine how satisfied I was after eating that..after having tears in my eyes because of the spiciness..

to whoever who comes to Australia and fancy spicy food...bring your own curry..or if you can't cook, just stock up on maggi curry. DON'T DON'T DON'T rely on those cheapskate superficial artificial cup noodles in woolworths or coles. THEY SUCK!!

yup yup yup.

Oh well, gotta sleep early now because I've got a 8 o'clock class in the morning.

Mary (my landlady) is really smart. If we don't get up by 7.45am to have breakfast, we don't get bacon and eggs!!!!
So, yea..I've gotta be up at 7 to get my bacon and eggs and to make it in time to lectures..muahaha..sigh....most malaysian would be snug in bed with their aircond switched on.

me?

I struggle to get out of bed...dreary of the 6C surrounding the room......why give up your warm warm bed for bacon and eggs...why oh why...

Guardian Angels..

2006-07-10T22:56:00.000+10:00

i CANT believe this is the 2ND time I've to retype out this post. The first time, all my heartfelt longings and sincerest messages were in it..now..can't help but feel and overwhelming sense of frustration erking from the inside just waiting to ooze out from my mouth!!!!
But no..those words won't be audible nor can it be seen. Those who have experienced typing out a really long letter,essay,blog etc and have it all erased in just a few seconds whether it not its your fault can truly empathize with me. This is so digressing from the title of the post isn't it.....well..yea..I know it is.

ANYWAY....this post was..IS about the guardian angels in my life. Those people who've on one way or another touched me in every means possible: emotionally,physically,mentally,financially,spiritually.
Friends like Ying,Hui Lynn,Christian, Mei Yan, Ivan,Hui Ying, Bernadine @ Honey, Dexter etc to name a few.. My dear cousins in Perth,Eberdeen and Malaysia..My wonderful parents who bring me along in their ups and downs both regarding familial matters as well as maritial problems....gosh..my life is crazy..but not good enough for a movie....yet...hehe..
whoever anonymous is..please please PLEASE lemme know who you are..I don't like suprises. I keel if I'm put into that kind of suspense.
I actually search the synopsis of a movie before I watch it just to see if it has a happy ending or not!!
That's the reason I haven't watched Thelma & Louise, finished watching Van Helsing..and haven't bothered to touch The Quiet American....
I know..bad bad habit..wanting to know the end always.Just waiting for the reward. Not wanting to take the journey.
Yes; terrible habit I have. And since its a habit, its hard to learn from...but there has been some progress from that oh-so disgusting attitude of mine.. I'm learning now to enjoy the process, appreciate walking the path instead of just envisioning the destiny and be callous towards the journey.

Well, God has been very BIG in my life of late,namely, in the results I got for my 1st semester.
Oh joy of JOYS!! I've passed each course with..walking and flying colours respectively!! And it was so abundantly clear that what I got wasn't due to my own "intelligence" or brain space. I can't say that "I should have studied harder". "I should have done this..I should have done that". Albeit I didn't put in my FULLEST and UTMOST effort..with that menial amount of work i put into my preperation, God has been so gracious and merciful. He didn't grant me outstanding results, but I did make the grade..I did get a 7 (high distinction)(chemistry) and my other courses got a 6( distinction) for all my other subjects...even physics!!!! For those who have been with me during high school and college..those who ACTUALLY tooke physics with me, you'd be suprised to know i got above 80 for this paper....and that in itself is already a miracle because Jess isn't a physicist!!! To some, this may seem like I'm just bragging, being all pig-headed over my results..but honesty, truthfully and sincerely...it is just me giving glory to our God for not forsaking me..for not giving up in me..for still flashing warning lights and leading me through the path He has chosen for me..yea..Life is tough. especially if there isnt any feasible or legible results from the heartaches and pain we've endured. but that is the beauty of Life. As long as we still have expectations which are God-worthy and we have faith that He is always in control; the journey would be painstakingly beautiful....won't it? We would still have guardian angels..I had Shereen with me while I was attempting miserably to obtain my results. In the end, I got them from Lydia's computer!! (she's my housemate) on wednesday morning.

Would I still be giving grace to God if I did very poorly? I should. In reality, it might have taken me weeks to get past that moment....but I'll have my mom telling me that all is not lost, and that God has a purpose for me still. I'll have my cousin telling me not to worry and that life still goes on. I'll have Chris comforting me telling me that there's always next term. I'll have Hui Lynn encouraging me that there's still another chance. I'll still have guardian angels carrying me emotionally, physically (maybe this one isn't so easy...), mentally,financially (thank God for parents!!) and spiritually..

Aren't you so glad for those GAs?

Anxiety...

2006-07-05T00:13:00.000+10:00

I'm currently chatting with my cousin on the handphone while typing out this blog. We were trying to access to the webpage where I could check my results.......but I can't!!! server down!!!!!!!!!!
goodness..this is SOOOOOO INCREDIBLY IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!
I want to know my results...yet I don't want to know my results...
is this paradoxical? actually it isn't....its just ironic..
sigh...............will know results in hopefully 30 minutes..might as well get it done and over with..
am going to bathe now....

Me, Myself and Jessamine

2006-06-29T12:07:00.000+10:00

I always thought I had a problem with making girlfriends. There was such a period in my life that i truly believed that I was suppose to be a guy, but my dad's DNA just wasn't strong enough to express the Y chromosome. In Malaysia (especially during chs), most of my time was spent with a guy, or around guys; the only girlfriends I'm with were Hui Lynn, Ying Roe and Mei Yan. A small but exclusive circle of friends whom I'm really proud of knowing..I was told once that gals just didn't like me. Of course, I asked my mom what in the WORLD was my problem, repelling girls away like that. She said it might be due to my pompous character;my pride and utter disregard for their feelings. WELL....my arguement to her was that, I may seem rather pompous and full of air..but to me, I take it as just showing my confidence..telling the world that I wouldn't be stepped on and pushed around ( this defiance in character arose after a traumatic "friendship" experience in primary years). AND...I added...they may just be jealous of me because they think I'm stealing away their potential boyfriends!!!!!!

Reflecting on my answers to my mom..that was rather pompous of me to say such things. Why is it only certain people deem me fit to join their cliques? I can't answer that question.Personally, I've reached a stage where I'm fully aware of my likeability factor...and that is...I'm not all THAT likeable..not as much as I thought I was. Being in Australia has opened my eyes to that fact. I guess it was a really good thing I am away from my eden. Seeing how people who don't know me react to my personality was rather enlighthening.

Thanks to my dear cousin, Adeline, I can now classify myself as an introvert. Not in a sense of being coy or meek..rather..its not my nature to make friends 24/7. Place me in a room of strangers for 24 hours and I'd probably know 1/4 of them if I was in a chatty mood. Then again, if I just so happen to find it oh so difficult to open my mouth on that day, I'd probably leave the place with only 1 acquaintance.

In Malaysia, that attitude could be tolerated because I'll be returning home to a family. I can still hang out with my close friends; I won't have such an enduring sense of lonliness inside. But here in Australia, whether I like it or not, I still HAVE to make friends on good and on bad days. And I'm glad to say, that of today, I HAVE achieved what I came here to do...make more girlfriends than guy friends!! YAY!! Not just knowing more girls...but actually having girlfriends who don't judge me, gals who welcome me into their homes and take care of me (albeit me being the youngest there..i'm like the baby!!).

My dream and short-term goal which I feel God has lead me to do is to carve an identity for me. To be who He has destined me to be in character and spirit. To grow and mature in His word and stay focused on Him. To not conform to the world...to just be me. Some people just spread joy wherever they go. Some have such sense of maturity, that they seem to be natural leaders. Others are so obedient and loving, that they spread warmth. Me? I don't know what I'm suppose to share yet...but in due time, my flower will one day blossom..so bear with me, friends, for I'm still having identity crisis.. but don't worry.I'm relishing the journey I'm currently on..because I know it is safe in my Captain's hands.

Cheers!

Holiday Timetable

2006-06-26T20:06:00.000+10:00

Monday: Wake up at 12p.m. Freshen up. Wash hair. Hang clothes-that-was-on-bed-since-exams-started nicely. Turn doona over to clean side. Bring clothes to bathroom to be washed in the washing machine. Have bread with butter and peanut butter. Watch 3 episodes of Friends sesason 9. Take another nap while waiting for clothes to be washed by washing machine. Hang clothes outside. Prepare dinner. Watch Home and Away. Type schedule on blog. Watch Grey Anatomy.

Tuesday: Wake up at 9a.m. Freshen up. Wash hair. Have bread with butter and peanut butter with apple juice. Go to Toowong to handle mom's banking stuff. Buy knitting kit. Do a little grocery shopping. Go back home. Watch Home and Away. Watch another dvd. Sleep

Wednesday. Wake up at 10a.m. Freshen up. Wash hair. Go to Suzanne's room to help her pack up her belongings. Follow her to Ruth's place at Indooroopilly. Have fun at her place(hopefully). Follow them to their Life Group. Have a long night of prayer and worship (hopefully). Come home exhausted. Sleep.

Thursday. Do the same as I did on Monday except for hanging of the clothes. Now, its collecting clothes from clothes line, fold them up nicely to my satisfaction.

Friday: N/A

Saturday: Go to Coles at 10a.m to meet up with Jasmine. Buy groceries for soup that she'll be making at her place in Grace College. Everything from then on is N/A for now.

Sunday: Schedule N/A until 5pm when I get ready to go to church.

ps: That is just the outline of my week. Details will be given shortly, as soon as the days are over and there's more to include. Presently, I'm bored and don't know what to do. Unsure of whether or not I want to watch Desperate Housewives because its too provocative for me. And the storyline is just filled with too much suspense my brain can't handle.

Picnic on Southbank

2006-06-24T21:36:00.000+10:00

Warm sun on my back. Cold strong wind biting my face and legs. Cheerful company sitting around the bench at Southbank. Doesn't it sound like a loverly picnic?
I finally went to my FIRST picnic with peers my age. I'm proud to say that I was the ONLY international there, and ALSO the only ASIAN there! Talk about moving out of your comfort zone.
Listening to the conversations thrown everywhere was enlightening. I won't say it was the first time I was in a group of aussies. I've been in those groups before. But this IS the first time I'm actually listening to real teenagy kind of conversations. About friends from high school. Gossip. Clubbing. Interests, hobbies...etc. NOTHING about studies..well, almost nothing about our courses. There were high school friends there as well.

My aus friend, Morgan invited me to that gathering which was a really sweet thing to do considering I just met her 2 months ago. Most of the people there were from her high school.Only 2 other guys who were present were from UQ; I only knew one guy, the other I saw often during lectures but never really spoke to him.

Well, I did alot of listening and hardly any talking because I really had no knowledge of the going-ons there. There were topics on clubbing,hippies,meth,coke,e-pills,parties,blonde model dragged by a car she jumped on while she was drunk and had to be admitted to the hospital and Josh Groban.

Honestly, I felt very uncomfortable being in such a group. I enjoyed the company and I did make a few friends which I hope I can get together with some other time, but that was the first time I was really exposed to the culture of australian students. That was the first time I heard of a teacher throwing a Year 3 student into a garbage bin. That was the first time I heard of girls showing up in school with a hangover and they're 16/17 years old. That was the first time I hear about taking the 'pill' as a 2nd protection in case the condom is faulty.That was the first time talking about breasts and dress sizes seem to the norm.

I may seem like an absolute conservative,boring,naive little girl afraid of the big bad world. It isn't that I don't know anything about ecstasy, or cocaine or sex. But in my underdeveloped mind, those topics were what I listen to and watch on movies and shows. They weren't real-life concerns until friday afternoon.

That friday, I really,truly experienced culture shock to the highest degree.

MERDEKA!!!!!

2006-06-21T17:12:00.000+10:00

Yes..I'll be feeling pretty patriotic for the next whole day...nah..don't think so.
Exams are finally done and I've nearly cleared up everything!! Most of my notes are properly filed in their proper files (but they're not in order..didn't wanna look at them now exams are over);textbooks are on the shelf ready to gather dust for the next 4 weeks, list of movies I wanna watch growing in my head; and absolute fear as to when I'm gonna start looking for employment..
I'm currently starving because I was to upset to eat today. But I'm feeling better now, just waiting for my eggplant dish to defrost then I can have my first proper meal of the day.The major issue of living on your own is that..well...I tend to have this lazy gene inside me, dominating my phenotypical behaviour when it comes to preparing food for myself. If I were to cook for another person, I'll at least take the initiative to chop up garlic, dice those friggin onions, thaw the meat, marinate it, wash the vege, cook the rice...and prepare a wholesome meal that mom would be proud of.
But that would be a meal for 2 people which(if you didn't know) is too much for me. And then there's the suggestion where I cook just enough for me..or leave the excess for leftovers.
WEll: It's a tremendous waste of gas doing that and my food isn't yummy to begin with. Won't want to have it for leftovers if I can help it!!

I'm sure you can see that little portable stove on top of the electric stove? Well..that's why I said its a waste of gas cooking just for me.

You see..I cracked the glass top of the stove earlier this year and until now, it hasn't been fixed.So the phobia still stays. But at least the oven still works..so I can still bake pizzas if I want to..YAY!!

Disappointment

2006-06-20T17:49:00.000+10:00

In less than 24 hours, I'd have officially finished my 1st semester exams. No more staying up till wee hours of the morning to cram last minute science jargons, no more frustration and discomfort in trying to warm myself while unsuccessfully understanding a would-be useless concept. No more urgency of time, I guess, for me.
It'd just be 4 weeks of bliss, laziness,dvd watching and knitting lessons for ol' me here.
But that isn't what I want.
Wait, that is what I WOULD LIKE to want.
Being schizophrenic does complicate matters abit. My other personality is telling to find a job and earn that precious currency. NOT to spend, but to satisfy my dispirited soul in hopes that I won't wake up any longer feeling hopeless for not contributing anything to the world.
But finding a job isn't as easy as having the intention to do it. There're resumes to fill, future-employers to convince, time management to juggle with.
And then there's that all important personality that has to shine------> confident,fluent,versatile me.
Some employers here may find me too old to employ because I'm already 18 :/
Others think my lack of work experience is not a very pleasant thing.
I just find myself in limbo.
Afraid to make that phone call of enquiring for that job.
Afraid of writing that all important resume detailing my abilities and potraying a wholesome,perfect employee which would benefit the employer.
Afraid, most of all, of REJECTION!
I've been down that path, and it hurts. It bores a hole down into your fragile heart, twisting and tugging on every nerve muscle and poking every artery and veins there is, squashing and fiddling with each little bit of hope that had ever existent...leaving an empty, blackish goo of what was once warm blood...
Try having all those thoughts run through your mind less than 24 hours before your Genetics and Evolution paper, and you'll barely have a glimpse or a taste of what's going on here inside of me. That's because, you don't take Genetics!!
Less than 24 hours to go..
"what then are you doing online?!!!" you say....
Well, there came a point in my time just now that I realized, after my exams, I will be free to do what I want until the 5th of July when my results are announced.
In between the 2 weeks, I'll be ushering twice in church. Read the Bourne Ultimatum. Watch dvds from Mary's vast collection downstairs. Might rearrange my room again. Might start cooking proper healthy food. Won't be running and messing around in the rain outside(when it does rain)..not now in winter anyway..
That's alot of things to do in just 2 weeks.
This is where my schizophrenic characters start acting up. The younger side of me is waiting for all that fun and action. The older counterpart is saying " Why are you wastin ur time that way?!! Go find a job!! Help your parents earn money to support yourself!! Don't spend their precious cash on unnecessary activities. Kill fun and be serious!!!!!"
Be matured.......
I'm not saying matured people aren't gonna have fun.
I'm just 'subtly implying' that I can never be matured enough..That's why I feel so disappointed with my being me..
Its not easy...to be....me................(superman song tune...)

FIFA FEVER

2006-06-19T00:07:00.000+10:00

Watching Japan vs Croatia now.
Am waiting for the Australia vs Brazil.
Wondering why relative fitness and fitness is diferrent.
Also in trepidation over the lack of goals from Japan.
Working on genetics as I watch the game.
Agonizing over cold at this moment.
Wishing I could just absorb knowledge instead of struggling with it.
Agitated that no one seems to be reading my blog.
Waiting for some comments or replies from dear friends back home.
Anxious for Japan to score a goal at this moment!!!

-_______________- *sis taught me to do that*

Irony of exams

2006-06-17T10:45:00.000+10:00

Can you believe it?!!!!
There I was, worrying myself till extra dandruff showed up over my dreaded physics exam,only to sit for it and come out smiling(hopefully my results show my satisfaction)..and then there was that "lovable " animal biology exam, which I had high hopes for..only to have it all swept from other my feet...like a hurricane!!!!!!
The most dreaded subject with the worst mid-sem questions was so much(not even relative)..ur talking about a gazillion times EASIER than the "supposed" simple animal biology..
sigh..
results so far? Dark, sunken panda eyes and a hangover...or something which I think feels like one..still under 18 so I'm not allowed to drink..
oh well....going to catch up on some badly needed sleep before "tackling" that gigantic genetics paper..
Whoever said uni was easy?!!!!
I'll probably say that if my results are spiffily fantastic...and I'll probably also kill hopes of future undergrads if my results are rotty....sigh.......

Chemistry on the mountains...

2006-06-10T17:37:00.000+10:00

That was what I felt while approaching my Chem1020 exam.
I got to seat right behind;and right at the side of the entire room. So I had the priviledge of having at LEAST 3 window views at right angles to each other!!( doesn't make sense huh..).
Anyhoo...outside the window right beside me was a fur tree...or rather the middle of one..well, you could see the piney leaves, and those glorious rain drops falling from them making beautiful splish splosh sounds, entertaining me while I attempt to determine the pH of formic acid before and after adding sodium formate..(I think!!).
The smell of fresh rain tickled my senses..the chill windy air surrounded me,giving me something close to frostbite..but I welcome it anyway.
Can you believe that during a chemistry exam,I could afford at least 10 seconds to thank God for the wonders of His creation?
That was how distracted I was from the paper. No sense of panickness or fears engulfed me. Just sweet-smelling, cold-feeling,pitter-pattering Mother Nature occupied my mind.
But I did manage to check through ( and by that,I mean recalculate) most of the questions that needed calculations, think thoroughly(almost) about the concepts needed and recount that I've marked all 40 answers on my MCQ sheet.

Chemistry has now been officially put onto my shelf aka NO MORE CHEM!!!

3 more to go.......sigh..........

help

2006-06-09T19:53:00.000+10:00

My first final paper officially starts tomorrow at 2.30pm. Its chemistry.
I'm not TOO worried about me. I'm more troubled about my inability to concentrate on studying. Not just on one subject but as a general overview of everything.
It doesn't help that I felt a certain sense of nostalgia the whole day..with the sky gloomy and low..just like in peaceheaven..except this time I'm not with my dear friends.
I so wish I had them now.
It is at times like these you realized that all the material gains of the world are obliverated(?!) into nothingness.
Ironically, I'm studying to gain those materials.
Oh God...HELP ME!!!
Lead me as I move on with my work.
Be by my side as I struggle to commit terms to memory.
Guide me as I attempt to comprehend concepts.
Hold me as I cry in absolute dismay over my inability to see progress.
Carry me as I get up to face this absolutely horrendous period.
And chasten me when I idle and lose focus of the goal You've given to me.

Amen.

B..r...e...a.....KKK!!!!

2006-06-07T18:33:00.000+10:00

Hi!!
Its my break now.
Break from actinopterygii and osteigyn......some latin word for bony fishes lah. At least have some yummy looking pictures in our textbook right if they expect us to remember bout the pectoral and pelvic fins. All I was refraining from dreaming of was about the crispiness of those fins when you eat those fried fishes with soy sauce and chili padi..yumm......
Nyway,on a brighter note, I won't be failing chemistry!!! SERIOUSLY!! Nope..can't fail chemistry. Why? well, because I'm not failing in the exercises set out. So I'm not scoring perfect marks...but its a start..considering my exam's on SATURDAY and today is ONLY....WEDNESDAY!!!
nope..not pulling out my hair yet...preserving it. Taking care of my hair in hopes that it would last me for a few decade. It took me OVER 6 years to get to look and feel less frizzy.
Advice to kids under 13 yrs old: NEVER EVER experiment with 5 different kind of shampoos on your hair during 1 bath!! Not only does it overdose your hair with strong chemicals, it causes you to deal with extremely frizzy hair that looks positively GHASTLY when you've dried your hair and there's not blow dryer available.
Not that I use a blow dryer. that would also cause frizzy hair.hmpph.the best would be a Compact Ceramic Heater. The catch is that you'd have to stay in an enclosed room for over 2 hours to ensure complete drying of hair which stays moist and soft. However, do expect your hair to be slightly static. Especially when you're walking on carpet. So always wear rubber slippers.

Will be continuing my work on amphibians,reptiles and mammals AKA tetrapods!! Apparently that "subclass"?! evolved from the lobe-finned fish!! err..sactopterygii? oh dear..gotta go back to my notes again. But its rather interesting to note that we came from that. Or rather that's what I'm learning about anyway under BIOL1012. Interesting course name don't you think?

Hehe.Swotvac is really such a cool name for study break. It is not an informal name as some may think. People here actually know what it is. Its like a well-known australian slang like "avo" "far out" and "full-on". I've yet to include that into my language bag but..with enough time, I'm sure I'll be speaking with those phrases. As it is, I'm using the word "arse" at times and "ass" during others. Sigh....us malaysians are so diverse!we're taught proper british pronounciation of words with are punctuated with the American slang with a tinge of malay,chinese and indian jargons. and the result? MANGLISH!

There's no point to that paragraph. As I've mentioned. It's my break.A time for me to allow my mind to wander in her playground.

useless fact: Did you know that Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton were left-handers?
Did you also know, that there has been hypothesis..or in their words..theories that suggest that left-handers arise because of a mutation in the D gene inside our brain? And also, that the chances of left-handed babies increase when the mother-to-be has pregnancy stress? Which means, a higher percentage of left-handed babies end up with mental retardation,dyslexia and schizophrenia? But that also means,that a left-hands have a higher chance of geniuses also?!!
With the good there's always the bad.
Think about it, I'm so blessed being born a left-handed, mentally well, and SURVIVING in a right-handed world. I'm a SURVIVOR!!! hehe....self-pride for a moment here....I've survived in a world where almost everything isn't meant for me. I've learnt to write (albeit messy), cut with right-handed scissors (that one was tough), wear buttoned-shirts ( not that many of those though),learn to shake hands using my right (never did that with my left)....and so many other things even that I'm not even aware of that is suppose to be disadvantagous to mua. COOLNESS!!

alright. gotta ciao now. Hope I've bored you to bits!!

Authority

2006-06-04T12:25:00.000+10:00

Its been quite a while since I've posted anything up.
SWOTVAC'S HERE!!!
aussie way of saying its study break. Gosh. My first paper starts on Saturday. So please excuse me for this long hiatus between this post and the next. Will be bustin my head studying for my finals.
Anyway, I just came back from church! Will be going for a Christmas in July later tonight (its winter here but why the name of the party.....I'm clueless).
The message was pretty intense this morning.
AUTHORITY.
3 kinds were mentioned.
1) Civil Authority
2) Domestic Authority
3) Spiritual Authority

The pastor of our church, Ps Wayne Alcorn spoke about it. His message was directed to the point in which what you perceive, is what you'll receive.
If you honour people, you'll be honoured.
You have to be under the people God put above you, to be above your own problems.

That was the nutshell of his message. But it did remind me of something similar to what uncle Mike said ages ago. It was also about authority. Something about yc.

Ps Wayne was telling us testimonies about young adults graduating from Hillsong Church and planting churches in other parts of Australia where their new ministry GREW!! I should think having a church for 18 months with a group of 600-strong christians pretty amazing eh. He said that the pastor of that church actually ironed Ps. Wayne's shirts when they were in Rwanda for a mission trip. Such respect for leaders is unparalleled. Such honour given to leaders have reaped miracles in those young people's lives.

But it isn't often you hear of such stories. My heart goes out to my very own cg back home, PJ2. There doesn't seem to be that unity that I experienced last year in PJ1 which was incredibly awesome!! That's why I miss PJ1 so much. Such friendship and commaderie in PJ1 and Bangsar just isn't reflected in the new cg that's been built now. Why is that? I guess the only answer I can come up with is complacency in the new members. From what I gather, nearly half of our new members are already leaders in church. But does that mean that cg isn't important to them anymore? Can someone please shed some light on this matter? I think I would feel it pretty depressing if I were to go back to Malaysia at the end of the year and attend a cg that has less than 5 members there. But then again..I wouldn't mind if there were 5 members who were close-knitted and strong in their friendship with one another and in each..their relationship with God.

Oh well. Guess I'll just have to wait and find out the atmosphere of cg when I get back. This isn't meant to judge anyone. Its just a question that has been bugging my mind.

Gotta get back to my steak and onion pie now.

To all my yc friends out there---MISS Y'LL SO SO MUCH!!!

ps: swotvac stands for swotting books during the vacation. (swotting books@ studying) =D

Of Access and clubs

2006-05-20T11:07:00.000+10:00

Access.
That's the name of the young adult group I'll be attending from now on.
I travelled for over 45 minutes to get there and back.
2 bus stops.
1 Chinatown.
0 casualties.
THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously. The church is located near Chinatown. I needed to walk from the 2nd bus stop to Access.
Guess what I have passed by...
1 Optometrist shop.
1 Surgical Clinic.
3 Adult shops.
2 Homeless people.
1 Dimly litted alley.

When Access started, there was loud music.
2 deck of cards.
1 pool table.
1 gladiator ring (pillow fights on plastic boxes!)
50+ people..
1 asian chinese girl...ME!!

I did say that I will be attending a young adult service right?
well........I did!!!!!1
Worship was AWESOME!!
Goodness..even with a sensitive gut (another long story..not appendicitis) and giddiness (i'm anemic =P) I couldn't contain myself.
I've not worship like I worship last night!!!!!!!!!
I know one can worship without people and experience the tremendous presence of God.
So...imagine worshiping in a room WITH people. Not just any ordinary people. People......adults...young of course....but all PASSIONATE for GOD!!!!
wow...seriously.. WOW
we had testimonies from at least 4 people age btw 18-22 about why they love God.
There were a couple of hillarious ones..my favourite was the Thong story.
This guy was giving a testimony about a caring God.
His story started with him being a little boy (he's quite short for a guy..so you can guess the irony of "little boy" in the room). He lived by the sea. One stormy day, this young boy and his older dad decided to walk along the 'beach' which by that time was covered with sea water. I guess some people just enjoy watching the storm. Anyhoo (yes...the hoo's on purpose..) this humongous wave came and swept the young boy's thong away!!!! He got quite upset. So his dad told him "Lets pray for your thong". And the young boy did. He prayed that God would take care of his thong. He didn't say return the thong. He just said take care of the thong. So off the thong went..carried by the water.....into the vast turbulent ocean...The two males walked back home..one sobbing...one trying to stop the sobbing... Finally..before the two reached home, the older man said " lets go look for that thong again". So the young one obediently followed his dad to the spot where the precious slipper was swept away..alas..it wasn't there. Yes, he was disappointed. But daddy decided to walk a little further up...so both went to the gully (that was what he said..gully!!) and lo behold!! The thong was stuck in between two rocks!!
Moral of the story? God cares for a inanimate thing such as a thong!! How much more do you think He cares for us? Human beings made in HIS image?

Yup. Access was cool, fun,exciting,exuberating,interesting, etc.

On the way back though...I had to wait for the bus at a bus stop which was right outside Cesar club. The music was just as loud. But there were more bared flesh entering the club than there was entering the basement of Access.
It does boggle my mind sometimes. You can have so much fun worhsipping, jumping up and down like jakuns and going crazy singing praises to God. I'm sure it is just as fun (maybe more) as going crazy in a club with shiny lights and booze. The difference? You return home from Access satisfied and with peace. Most return home from clubs with discontentment and a hangover.
Similar situations. Opposite consequences....No?

Rainy days and Mondays....

2006-05-16T17:30:00.000+10:00

Remember the song by the Carpenters..Rainy days and Mondays?

"Rainy days and Mondays always gets me down"

Well...I beg to differ...
But actually smelling the scent of fresh rain last night was.......just like smelling an angel...(if you catch my drift).

Brisbane is a cool town. The day starts at 5.00a.m( freakin sun's up so early)..and ends at 5.00p.m(lazy sun..)
We usually have cold winds blowing......cool breezes actually..now most people are wearing long sleeves...i don't dare say thicker clothing coz....they don't look thick..but definitely not many are in summer attire..
You know winter is coming when you see all those promotion by Myers and David Jones(?) about discounts on winter wear......which pretty much indicates that a change in fashion is coming again!!
However...its so different from dear tropical Malaysia....where cool weather is usually prior to or post rainy periods...
We had our FIRST shower in WEEKS yesterday..
It was a very huge relief for most...but the euphoria of tears from heaven sorta died down swiftly...
you see, Brisbane has been under heavy water restriction for quite awhile.
The Wivenhoe dam (i think!!) which supplies water to most of the population in this city is down to 30%...that's critical level for a dam!!
It was said that in June...stricter water restrictions will be implemented..no more hosing the garden..
I don't really see what the big deal is about hosing ur garden.....since back home..i simply don't do gardening.
But people here are very much garden lovers.....as of now, you can ONLY use the house BEFORE 7a.m!!!
Don't ask me the reasoning behind that rule...I wasn't here during that period..

One wonders..does leaving the shower on for over 10 minutes equate to hosing your garden after 7a.m?

1 typical Wednesday at UQ

2006-05-15T13:56:00.000+10:00

5.56am: Wake up......go back to sleep.
6.30a.m: Wake up, looka at the time,...go back to sleep.
7.03a.m: Wake up, listen for cistern sounds..if no sounds, groggily get out of bed, take my towel,loofah,shower cap and bath robe...trudge to the bathroom for 10 minutes of warm water..
7.23a.m: Back in my room...(xtra ten minutes in the shower with warm water and fog..)..get ready for uni..dress up,clean up my bed..
7.30a.m: Out of room. In dining hall. Cut a slice of homemade bread. cut slice into half.toast bread. Scoop yogurt. Add canned fruits. pour cornflakcs. Dilute ribena. Take out toasted bread. Spread yummy peanut butter on one piece of bread. spread butter on another. munch of cornflakes,yogurt and canned fruits. chew bread. eat bacon with tomato sauce. add a big spoon of scramble eggs. Digest food with satisfied smile on face.
7.50a.m: Back in room. Pack bag. Wear socks, snickers. Look at digital clock. Look at timetable. Tidy up hair. Look at time again.
7.57a.m: Finally out of room with keys,bag,books.
8.05a.m: In 1st lecture of the day...3 more lectures to go.....
8.30a.m: Dozing off in lecture....
8.50a.m: AWAKE!!! Time for next lecture.
9.00a.m: In next lecture theather...with new resolve not to sleep during lecture...
9.20a.m: Look at clock on wall......wondering why time's creeping by soooooo slowly.......
9.45a.m: Fiddling with pen....wondering when lecturer would release us.....
9.55a.m: Lecturer thank us for our time!!!!!
10.00a.m: Lecture done. Take out next course's lecture notes...(back to back lectures in same room..sigh...)
10.30a.m: busy scribbling notes because not tired anymore!!!
10.55a.m: Regret that lecture's over......
B........R.........E..............A..................K.......
12.00p.m: Back in same lecture theater....Chem1020 I think....
12.45p.m: Lecturer graciously finishes lecture.....out of the lecture theater....walk 20 metres to smaller classroom for tutorial...
1.05p.m: Tutors come in....hand out tut notes....gives us answers...teach abit....
1.50p.m: Tutorial finish..head home....stomach demanding food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2.00p.m: UNI DAY DONE!!!!!!!!!!
2.10p.m: Back in cool bedroom......wondering what to eat for lunch...

That is a typical wednesday..each day's timetable is different.....but.......i still go through the same routine every week....

What's the difference between here and back home?
the cooler weather here...better food back home..
Other than that..............................well...........you see more australians here!!

The challenging part of the day is to decide what to do AFTER lectures and tutorials are done..I'm practically left stranded,having to study and revise on my own.
So self-discipline is ESSENTIAL here..
crud..should have refine that skill back home....

Sunday Worship

2006-05-14T09:06:00.000+10:00

There's a radio station here in Brisbane that airs sunday worship every..Sunday.
It has both contemporary christian songs like hillsongs and don moen, as well as those classical hymns..
Every weekday, there'll be bible verses aired..
and its tagline is Brisbane's number 1 family radio station.
This is just one of the many ways christianity is being spread around here in Brisbane..

I've been placed here for a reason I'm sure. God has placed me in this state to mould me, teach me and open my eyes..
Herein is where I always feel like a lil wretched..

I came with intentions to use this solitude and draw closer to God.
without distractions, without cares, just me and Him in my room everyday.

Yet, even praying at times feels so hard!!
I'm on my own, yet I don't seem to be talking to Him.
When I feel lonely, I fret and pout, but I don't seem to use my energy to reach out to Him.

Reading the bible is a weekly affair....as yet it hasn't been a monthly affair, but then again I'm already on the borderline.

How can such a Holy God, be there for me when I know I've done too many wrong in His eyes?

How can such a just God forgive me for neglecting Him, for ignoring His call everytime He tries to contact me?

The title of today's message on the radio is because "Where is God when we need Him"

Reflecting on what is being said, I realized that I've always been limiting His work.
The trouble with this is that I'm conscious of what I do...yet I haven't changed.

Unanswered prayers are usually the first clue that there's something else better waiting for us.
God did that exactly for me when I was praying for my accomodation.
I prayed that He'll grant me a place into one of the boarding colleges on campus.
I didn't get that place.
I was directed to another house, which turns out to be MUCH better than living in college!!

Our heavenly Father has done so much in my life. I've countless of testimonies to share about how He has worked in my life, how much he has blessed me even in ways I haven't realized.

With so much evidence of His almightly presence, why do I still doubt Him?

Sunday worship isn't the only day I can use to thank Him, to give Him praises....but its definitely a day where I let go of my horrible week and start anew, with new motivations, a renewed spirit, and a clean slate in God's eyes.

May my new week not bring satisfaction to me, but may it glorify God in the trials and tribulations I encounter.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Chemisty/Animal Bio/Genetics/Physics?!!

2006-05-13T14:40:00.000+10:00

I've got 'only' 4 subjects to study for this semester.
chemistry, Animal biology,genetics and physics.
3 months to complete the whole syllabus of 4 subjects.
easy peasy right seeing that I've done science...for...I don't know.....at least 5 years?

sigh..
my mind's running around wondering what to do.
I've such short attention span.
I can be doing an exercise on acid and base titration, and suddenly wonder about what my next dissection in animal bio's gonna be about
(incidently its about the internal anatomy of a toad..yay!!)

At the rate my mind is jumping from one subject to the other, I'll end up with a messy desk, unfinished work and depression on the fact that I've unfinished work and a messy desk..and only 27 days left to my FIRST final paper...(chemistry...aarggh!!!)

This might probably be the very FIRST time I'm applying undue pressure onto myself a month before my exam..
I wonder why...oh..
probably because my final papers cover 55% of my overall percentage and would effectively determine my GPA..
this place is SO STRICT!!
Everything's graded from a 1-7,7 being high distinction...1 being.....fail lar..
For Physics, to obtain a grade 7, you'll need a score of 90>...crazy right...
For chem,bio and bio, you'll need 85> to get 7..which isn't AS hard as physics...but..hard enough..
And my seniors weren't of much help.

"you can score in all your practicals and assignments but alot of people screw up the finals because of lack of time"
" I got a 99.9% for physics before my finals in which i dropped from a grade 7 to a grade 5!!"

How encouraging don't you think?

On a brighter note..I actually do enjoy studying....at certain periods of my days..I enjoy sitting down at my desk, have my laptop blast melodic sounds to entertain me while i read and digest different characteristics of protostomes and deutrostomes, or scratch my head figuring out the calculations to the pH of acetic acid..

Its at times like that I lie my head down on my bed, thanking God for granting me such a grand opportunity to study..

Moon River

2006-05-13T13:13:00.000+10:00

Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend,
moon river, and me

It's interesting to note that such a beautiful song was almost prevented from hitting the sliver screens..
Poignant and meaningful, it represents the futile hope of a dreamer...

Then again, Breakfast at Tiffany's WAS suppose to be a romantic comedy...beautiful, comedic and tickling with a happy ending..

So why is it I didn't cry with joy, or scream in laughter?

This is my very first blog post...which was set up primarily to tell whoever who reads this that this song sung by the quitessential Audrey Hepburn is now stuck in my head..and will be that way for the next 2 days or so..

Have a nice day!